Exactly

•July 10, 2008 • Leave a Comment

Woah, exactly a month didn’t post a single thing… Had been quite a busy month since the last post though most of the time I’m stressing myself, rushing endless work plus weekend job… Surprisingly, i had quite a number of upsets moments yet i didn’t come to blog to post anything about it. Though I wanted to… 3 to 4 more weeks torture in school, and I’m ready to be off to holiday… This time, holiday though will take quite sometime to regenerate myself from the stress that I have given myself for the past few months, and all the lost hours from my sleeping hours… Might plan to pick up, the least using up brain juice de job like door to door flyers distributor, pay very little but little is better than nothing… Sometime, this kind of job is tiring yet fun and enjoyable… No need to worry about sales made unlike promoters and retail sales girls need… No need to worry if can’t memorize or give wrong information to consumers… Cuz, after working these jobs, retail, Food and Beverage, Call Enquire Officer, all these damm tiring… I’m the kind who take pay, but i take with pride… I will at least to do the minimum…

But recently alot of stuff tempting to buy, regardless gadget, hairdo bla bla… I wanted to get another NDS cuz my one given my dear kame, I pass it to kame’s younger sister le… Sob sob, now dun have… somemore is kame buy for me de gift… Nvm, kame’s younger sister, haiz…. Recently, hair gimme alot of problems, I dun like to give special attention to my hair, yet I juz want it healthy and neat… After e perm, I tell you, currently 40% of my hair ends split… Wanna go for rebonding badly… but abit unwillingly to spend e hard-earned money cuz need to return some ppl about total $210 + $150 = $360… T.T nearly half of my first coming pay… Nvm, haiz now saving my pocket money… but doesn’t seems to save anything end of the day… Headach sia… Hopefully sales will do well plus I realli wish to end the job soon… 2 more weeks to contract ends… which means 4 more days to go…  Den I can have back my Saturday and Sunday to do my school work and my sleeping business with my bed and gui gui… Speaking of Gui Gui, recently that poor dolly keep falling off from sofa ( I recently sleep in living room’s sofa, dunno y ) I keep sending him flying… T.T poor fellow… Haiz, I end here… Tired siaz… Nights

Sincerely

•June 10, 2008 • Leave a Comment

It all startled unexpectedly… From the very same day of last year, was the day we startled the journey together, brings our heart together as one… From the fourth week when I startled my polytechnic school life, was the day I met you… I still very much remember that I took quite a good long look at you when you were wearing that serious attractive eyes of yours while playing, and the unique birth mark on your hand either of these made me seriously took notice of you… I still remember clearly that shy look you wore when you approach me to talk, till now even when you told me ” I Love You ” the same sincere shy look still wearing on your face…

When I offered my help to print your past exam papers, not only create a chance for both of us, it also create a start for us… Though during that time, I wasn’t in a good shape, you still gave me the warm console that I most needed at that time before I knew, my lips was on yours…

Through the journey, dunno should say is good or bad… Nearly three quarter of last year wasn’t exactly a smooth ride for both of us… First was a triangle connection with both of us with another guy, yet I was hesitating if I’m making the right choice to choose either sides. Yet I’m feeling extremely headach and guilty about choosing either one and hurt the other one but I didn’t wanna choose for the sake of making a choice to be attached. I told myself if I wanna start a relationship, I wanna commit to it not for the sake of having it… I hurt you deeply, I didn’t know in such a short period of time, you became so attached to me… I trust myself, my own decision and startled the journey with you…

Second, came to the seed of the problem which I had intitally even before the relationship startled… I cut things short, even till now, I still have nightmare when I think back… Countless times I broke down, so lost and helpless that all I know was to sat down and cry… The tears I had wasn’t for myself but for my best friend, my boyfriend and a admirer… I failed at my own judgment at problems… I dunno how to solve nor helped the situation by doing anything… There’s a time when I felt so helpless that I pushed you away from me, and threw myself deeper into the problem… The only thing, I could think of was to save you from all the troubles and worries that I brought to you or created to you… Causing all the heartach and sadness to you, was the most unwilling thing that I could have done to you and I caused further pain and sadness to you by raising up a break… That was the most unforgettable night I had in my life… All the hold backs and tears, in the end I realized I couldn’t bear to break with you nor to leave you… I told myself to at least trust this guy in front of me, to go through this hardship barrier with me, if he is willing to go through all these with me…

The problem though had slowly died off but the side effects didn’t left me alone… I lost my best friend and the others… All I left was my boyfriend, his family and my family… After the problem was solved, nightmare came visiting almost everyday… Everytime when I woke up from nightmare, I couldn’t remember wad happen yet I still feel the guilty and fears in me… I gave alot of worries to my boyfriend again… Its like he never had a peace moment with me, I’m full of troubles and problems in me waiting for him to handle and solve…

Recently, for the past 2 months, everything seems alright… I’m much better, not so much of nightmare though once in a fortnight will have… but when I saw the green turtle that he gave me, I feel his presence… I feel as though he is with me, telling me there’s nothing to be scared of when he is with me… The green turtle that he gave me, helped me alot, the green turtle always reminds me of assurance and warm that he always readily to provide me with… Today, 9th June 2008 is our 1st anniversary… Juz alone him remember today is our anniversary, is already the best anniversary present I ever receive cuz what he had done for me, is so much appreciated by me… To be honest, I really really love this guy alot and it touches me for all what he done for me and to stand by me for the past 1 year… I wish to be spending the rest of my life with him and I assure that I wouldn’t feel a single slight regret at all… cuz I trust him…

Tama-chan

They took away my unhappiness, worries and upsets away…

•May 27, 2008 • Leave a Comment

Have been quite some time since Mr. Scary Old Man has passed away, kind of miss him when I want to clean his cage, he always start running around like I’m going to catch him and cook…😄 Well, Mr. Scary Old Man = hamster, hehx… He will only feel safe when I use thick stack of tissue to grab him out from e cage… Quite an old hamster but surprisingly, this Mr. Scary Old Man had bitten a hamster to death b4… SHOCKING!!! but still its still a little life when comes to comparing me and him… Now left with two fatty though they are not realli fat but seems like Auntie Tan keep complaning about their size… hahaz… Da Fei, Xiao Fei but their size onli abit different… I next post den post Xiao Fei pic… ^^

Mr Scary Old Man

Mr Scary Old Man

Mr. Big Fatty

Mr. Big Fatty

Look Up ^^ Mr. Big Fatty

Look Up ^^ Mr. Big Fatty

Ice Rain came knocking on China’s Door

•May 23, 2008 • Leave a Comment

Something that I didn’t notice about during march is that China on 26th March 2008… To be honest, looking at how human treat earth is really a heart hurting matter. Only showing a few since, this matter had been quite some time…

Leaf-shaped Ice

Another Leaf-shaped Ice

Keep ourselves cool

Branches of Ices

Fields of Ice

Holding together with Ice

Broke a promise delibrately to anger or upset someone isn’t realli making urself feel much better

•May 16, 2008 • Leave a Comment

How long was my last update?? Haiz, nevermind, tat isn’t important… I had upsets with Turtle again… dunno is I too sensitive or stick to him or wad… Supposedly to meet today, but last night Penguin told me that the gang meeting for dinner i think, I know Turtle didn’t know bcuz if not he wouldn’t have ask me out the next day… but if i dun tell him, I feel bad about not letting meet his friends… Also, my fault for not getting along well with his friends, stuff they talk about I know nothing not a single thing… I do admit that I feel very much left out like I’m in fish tank looking outside ppl who r looking at me… Fish Tank is like a barrier from me to the surrounding… I went swimming around Orchard, Bugis, Amk Mo Kio today, buying stuff tat I need for my device from Studio Project… Bought Turtle’s most favourite cake from Bakerzin… Thought of juz dropping by to pass him the cake to cheer him up from his long cough torture… Turtle told me tat he’s at Bugis… I went there bcuz I couldn’t find a A3 photocopier, at the same time to pass him the cake… After I reached, Penguin told me that he aren’t joining the gang for dinner and Turtle told him to accompany me at Ang Mo Kio while he coming… I msg Turtle, he said that he on the way back to Ang Mo Kio, so I head back to Ang Mo Kio… but when I reached, he msg me that he going to Korean Fan’s house to get some nero disc… Ask me to head back home… Not having a single thing in my stomach for the whole day was quite uncomfort… plus the afternoon sun gave me headach for the whole day… Mood realli jump down from 100th stories down… Went back home alone, and I threw the cake along the way… Feels so bad that I deliberately find Dragon to talk since he have been sending mails for the past few months… I do feel bad till now, and drop by a msg in msn to inform him i’m alright… Tat’s all… Turtle, I think he quite abit upset or even angry when he knew… Haiz… nvm… I’m a bad girl afterall… I can never be an angel to anyone… Devil more to everyone… Who knows maybe one day bcuz of my own actions I crush this relationship with a sad ending with my very own hands…

Tears wouldn\'t appear though inside is crushing

Gates do not exist with doors that pre-open widely for U

•May 5, 2008 • Leave a Comment

Quite some time from my last post about 7 days if I nt wrong… Hahaz, I’m abit less tense up or maybe should I say stress up… Inspirations come visiting me a few times in week or even within a day, hopefully things brighten up alot, gt inspirations means I’m relaxed for my mind to run around the fields… Too tense up, I always end up nothing but tense up totally… Though my inspirations comes not relating to my current projects, I’m sure will come in handy soon ^^”

Today’s studio project, I came up with some craps in order to keep the ball going between the lecturers and my group members… U know wad crap I spurted out?? 3-D spacious quality shadows O.O meaning something like instead of having urself standing in the centre of a interior tower, u gt shadows!! so u live in shadows, u walk inside shadows… I dunno how I startled with the idea, I was just sitting at a corner daydreaming while my group members just chit-chatting and finding some ideas for group studio project called VI = Vertical Integration.  After my studio project session with the lecturers. On the second thought of my lecturers’ comments, I found 3-D spacious quality shadow is rather a interesting topic to touch on, but before that need to get myself start wondering about my individual work of my “Treasure Hunt” sounds rather a veri childish title, but its actually the same starting approach as VI = Vertical Integration -.-” group project’s name sound so profound, yet individual work …. yucks!! Oh ya, back to the track, ya, I until Wednesday to think of my device or wadever stuff I’m suppose to make which I myself dun even know about it… Unstable process, oh my oh my… but look at the brighter side, so far my project when last min or last few days, most of my studio projects came out with works that I’m quite happy with…

Cabal Online Jr. Blader, Nightingalx

“Stress” and ” Lost” aren’t always the helping words in your dictionary

•April 28, 2008 • Leave a Comment

Great!! but it isn’t a enthusiastic great… its rather the ” so far so good” ‘s great… Things aren’t going very well for me in sch… Ask me why den… Given a project with a given trail to walk, and suppose to take photos at any point of time during the walking, “Observe” and “Spot” are the usual words that I will use if I were to describe this project… Mondays are the days where we combine with the year 1s student, grouping ourselves in a way, its that around 2 year 2s students and 2-3 year 1s students… Thursdays will be the days that we all go individual of the same project, module is called Studio Project… Studio Project are strictly individual works, but this time, the lecturers create this time theme to be ” Treasure Hunt” and ” Vertical Integration”, its actually 2 titles yet same project, different approach, different groups… Vertical Integration = VI, groups both 1st year and 2nd year students together to travel along the same route… Having “great cooperation” with the 1st year students, I couldn’t helped feeling any much less to be stress ( though its natural for design ) and heavily mind-weighted… I know myself that I wasn’t much hardworking either… but at least helloo, I dun like to be made waiting or to be call out for nothing… I made clear to one of the juniors, I dun lose anything, very well since u all not enthusiastic nor interested in doing any work, dun waste my time here, coming early and wait for U all… I dun wan to be hold back, waiting for u all to do any shopping or chatting or even not appearing at all… I clearly stated I’m willing to go the extra miles to bring a extra camera if U dun own one or so… U know that U need to take photos for this project… Good or Bad pictures, its alright… but dun go dog tagging during photo taking exploration… What’s the point of U coming along, if U are just tagging along not doing anything??!! Any powerpoints or hardcopy recording reports, not expecting U all to be doing, but today you all have the cheeks to ask me, Can we juniors not present?? In the first place, U didn’t take part in the photo taking, just 3 4 photos in the veri first photo-taking session outing, and the rest are sitting there waiting work to be done by the others… How relaxing… Come on, U dun learn anything by just looking at us doing all these work… U wouldn’t be able to learn stuff from us either do learn y we took that picture that way either… I realli lost of words towards the juniors, interested or not I’m not caring anymore… U dun make a point to ask me or clarify doubts with me, good luck and god bless U for the rest of ur poly schooling…
The more U learn from the others, the better U can be, cuz the negative stuff, U can learn to avoid, the positive stuff, U can learn or even improve the methods and do a better job…

I dun wish to be harsh at words, I know how it feels to receive these words right at U… Tat’s y I said it once nicely to U, if U dun get the meaning nor to change, I will keep all comments to myself… Only when u ask me, I will only answer but will nt take the next steps to be bother to explain in details…

Maybe in the past, I will still be thick skinned enough to be bother about the others but not anymore… Cuz others just dun appreciate nor to understand ur doings…

Ayu Gonna Cry